In this class I learn many wonderful principles to help me succeed in my marriage, but this week there was one that stood out to me above others, and that is how faith applies to marriage.
This principle is especially important to me because my husband and I do not quite match the ideal vision I had in mind for what our marriage and family would be like back when we first got married. I adore my husband (and have pretty much since the day we met), but we differ on matters that I feel are important (and which I have been taught by the gospel are right).
For example, I've been taught not to put off having children for selfish reasons. Furthermore, I come from a large family and would like to have several children, myself. My whole focus in my life right now is preparing to be a good wife, homemaker, and mother to our children someday. My husband's priorities are unfortunately quite different. He is not ready for the stress and responsibility that comes with having a family--he thinks he is still too young and that now is the time to have fun and enjoy life--and as such he is not doing anything in his free time to prepare to be a father someday. Most days I'm inclined to believe that he will always be this way, but that is where this principle of faith comes in.
For example, I've been taught not to put off having children for selfish reasons. Furthermore, I come from a large family and would like to have several children, myself. My whole focus in my life right now is preparing to be a good wife, homemaker, and mother to our children someday. My husband's priorities are unfortunately quite different. He is not ready for the stress and responsibility that comes with having a family--he thinks he is still too young and that now is the time to have fun and enjoy life--and as such he is not doing anything in his free time to prepare to be a father someday. Most days I'm inclined to believe that he will always be this way, but that is where this principle of faith comes in.
In Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, Goddard wrote, "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ requires that we trust that God is working to rescue our spouses even as He is working to rescue us. When we have energizing faith in Christ, we trust His progress with our partner. The more we trust God’s purposes in perfecting our partners (and don’t try to take over the job ourselves), the more we all progress."
This quote was exactly what I needed to hear. Perhaps the biggest problem in our marriage is my fear that my husband and I are not doing enough--that we are wasting our time and our lives away and are not focusing on what is truly important. I try to work on myself, but there is nothing I can do to change my husband. And that's where I need to surrender and put my faith in the Lord that he is "working to rescue" my husband just as he is working to rescue me.
The Prophet and the apostles have given us much guidance on the subjects of faith and fear. Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Faith is the antidote for fear," while President Thomas S. Monson has said, "Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other." It is clear to me from this counsel that my anxiety is a sign that I need to work on strengthening my faith.
Goddard wrote, "It is hard to rightly express the truth about God’s influence in our lives. I believe the truth is something close to: 'If I am trying to live the gospel, God will not allow anything to happen to me that cannot become a blessing for me.' ... As a loving parent, our perfect Father will help us in a multitude of ways to avoid ruining our lives and preempting our growth unless we simply defy Him."
This is very comforting to me because I know that I am doing just about the best that I know how in living the gospel. As long as I continue to do that, I can trust that things will work out okay for me in the end--that God will look out for me and keep me (and others) from "ruining" my life.
This is very comforting to me because I know that I am doing just about the best that I know how in living the gospel. As long as I continue to do that, I can trust that things will work out okay for me in the end--that God will look out for me and keep me (and others) from "ruining" my life.
In closing, Goddard says, "At times of relationship stress the best of us may wonder if we should have married differently—if we made a mistake. My guess is that, in ways not discerned by us, God guided us to be together. My guess is that God can take our marital choices and make them ideally suited to bless and balance us."
Do you sometimes worry that you made the wrong decision when you chose to marry your spouse? If/when you feel like that, I encourage you to turn to the Lord and put your faith in him. Pray and ask for comfort, peace of mind, and the faith to dispel your fears. Have faith that if you keep God's commandments he can turn any trial or tribulation to your benefit. He loves you and if you strive to always follow his will and his teachings he will not allow anything to be truly detrimental to you. He can see the big picture, the grand design, that we (from our limited perspectives) cannot see. Trust that he is at the helm and is in control and if you put your faith in him you will not be led astray.
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